Manager finds her employees' secret group chat, reads everything they said behind her back: ‘Let's invite her, maybe we can get free lunch’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Apr 28, 2026 1:00 PM EDT

Every workplace has one group chat with the boss and one without them, and if your employees deny the existence of the latter, they are probably lying.

That is simply how the way things are at work. Even if employees absolutely love their boss, as rare as it may be, they still need a space to vent without the upper management knowing.

Since even the best bosses out there have been mere employees at some point in their lives, you would think they would know about the concept of a group chat without the boss. But managers and bosses tend to think that they are special, and that what usually applies to most bosses doesn't apply to them, group chats included.

The manager in the story below was surprised to find out that her employees had a group chat without her, in which they talked about her behind her back. And since she found out about it by gaining access to the group chat without them knowing, she also had the rare opportunity to read everything they ever said about her…

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  • Businesswoman standing in her office and texting on her phone.
    via Getty Images

    Businesswoman standing in her office and texting on her phone.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I found their secret group chat and read about me.

    A previous employee resigned and I was using his laptop to find a file that wasnt uploaded on our shared drive.
    via ellieafterhours
  • - There it was the secret group chat of everyone in your team without me. Talking and ranting about everything under the sun, but especially about work.
    via ellieafterhours
  • Normally I do not care. People will always talk about their managers and I have been a manager over a decade so this is a fact I have long accepted. But out of curiosity - I did see what they were talking about.
    via ellieafterhours
  • Suffice to say, I regret ever reading it. They are nice and respectful in person and maintains a good relationship at work but behind that, their unfiltered thoughts caused me cognitive dissonance.
    via ellieafterhours
  • Is this how they actually think? Or this is a spur of emotions kind of thing? I have been nothing but transparent and accountable to the team. At least I expected them to be honest enough to say their sentiments directly. It is painful. Other managers - what do you think?
    via ellieafterhours

  • Questioning whether or not this manager should have looked at the group chat raises an interesting point we should all be wondering about ourselves. If you had access to a chat in which you could read stuff other people have said about you without them knowing about it, would you have read it?

    Could you really stop yourself from looking? Or is it better not knowing what people are saying to you behind your back?

    Honestly, we can't blame the manager for reading the chat; it's hard to walk away from something like that. We just hope that she takes this as a learning experience and maybe uses the information she acquired to become a better manager of her employees.

     

  • wawaboy Misery loves company, be careful of caring what people think of you. However, if there are elements of truth regarding your leadership that are a true revelation, and you want to change, a 360 might be worth the investment
    via wawaboy
  • ellieafterhours OP This is my approach right now - use the usable feedback as data. I was sad for 5 minutes knowing what they all said but later on, it was a moment of realization. I am willing to improve on areas that I can without ego, and that alone makes me good at what I do. I am, in fact, in a leadership position for a reason.
    via ellieafterhours
  • Delicious_Durian4310 What did they say? I wanna know if it was funny or not
    via Delicious_Durian4310
  • ellieafterhours OP You know what, I wouldve let it slide entirely if they were a little bit creative about it. It was more of "Lets invite her, maybe we can get free lunch" or "She doesnt let us copy paste things from her documents" or "I forgot to update - but she wouldnt mind it." Or "Is she busy? Doesnt look like it" (we are working remotely lol) Come on guys, I was way funnier when ranting.
    via ellieafterhours
  • A group of people holding their phones.
    via View Apart

    A group of people holding their phones.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • fieldcady I have to note: reading secret group chats is not exactly being transparent and accountable. I don't know what they were venting about (and it probably was just venting that doesn't need to be over thought) but if they mentioned transparency and accountability, you might want to consider.
    via fieldcady
  • ellieafterhours OP There was no mention of that, or maybe I wasn't able to read far back enough. I am transparent to them tho, and I lead by example. Nothing I ask of them that I haven't shown myself. Which is why the initial disappointment of not giving me a chance to address the issue (if there is any) was my main concern.
    via ellieafterhours
  • Long-Prior8824 Not everyone views their managers as in my managers "family." I wouldn't mouth if he was d_ng of thirst. You are paying them for their time and skills, not to be your buddies.
    via Long-Prior8824
  • Why are you bothered by this? Maybe take it to heart that you aren't the great manager you think you are, and correct your behavior, of their opinions matter to you. Me, I collect my paycheck and leave work at the door, including the people.
    via Long-Prior8824
  • ellieafterhours OP I detest the "family" thing in workplaces too. That being said, there is professional conduct. We're all adults in the workplace, conflicts should be discussed and resolved. I trust that they'll come to me if they feel strongly about things, especially if its making things hard for them but here we are.
    via ellieafterhours
  • beachbumboclaat It's likely venting but I'll be the one person who tells you to check if there's a pattern. Are you often funneling work down with no regard of their current workload, micromanaging, not supporting when they need you...list goes on. This could easily have been written by my manager who multiple people have tried giving feedback to but they double down and gaslight their reports and peers no matter how kindly feedback is delivered. Some people never learn :) good luck
    via beachbumboclaat
  • ellieafterhours OP Nah. I have enough self-awareness and integrity that I wouldnt paint myself a better picture for the sake of strangers. The reason why this is painful is I am doing everything I can do to it right. Had horrible bosses before and I vowed never to be that kind of person so there is actual hurt when you know youre trying to lead with empathy, decisiveness and care that people still feel the need to talk "problems" to everyone except you. Lol
    via ellieafterhours
  • TearOk526 Every team has this chat. In all 20 years as an engineer these team group chats without mananger exist on all teams. The only time they don't exist is fi the team hates each other and that means you totally failed as a mananger both in bad selection and execution after. Only once have I seen this. If the ram group chat exists it means you succeeded and put together a team with a uniforn chemistry.
    via TearOk526
  • Now you also have to accept you will not be perfect and your position will always make it by policy difficult for them to bring everything to you transparently. So you need to be honest with your self. What you see there will be the most honest truth about your mistakes because you are not perfect. But still you built a successful team because
    via TearOk526
  • your good traits outweighed the bad that allowed the team to be a strong team together. And that is why the chat exists. Let them keep this chat and trust it will be part of how they survive your growth as a mananger
    via TearOk526
  • ellieafterhours OP That's a really comforting thought. If they work together and they work well - that's all I care about. I will work on what is legitimate feedback, and everything else is noise. I've built the mental grit over the years to separate the two. I hope there comes a time when honest conversations are made, and people can be candid. Until then, whatever gives us all peace to carry on.
    via ellieafterhours

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